Too often today children are given the message that they are growing up in tough times. That today's world is so much harder than any other time in history. Along with this is the prevalence of helicopter parents and bulldozer parents who want to make their every experience a success. On the other side there are those that opt for "free-range" parenting styles. One gives the message that children can't succeed and parent anxiety increases child anxiety. The other is that nothing matters other than what the child wants.
Another issue plaguing learning and education is the belief that feelings = facts and theory = truth. Parents and others have long felt empowered to control or influence schools. The idea that, "I was a student in all of the grades and graduated from school therefore I am qualified to tell teachers and administrators (trained professionals) how to do their jobs. While we see this happening a little bit in other professions where someone will google something and then presume to tell a Dr. not only their condition, but also what treatment they expect, no other occupation has had the long history of parent encroachment that teaching has had. Schools have always been open to parent input and want parents as partners, not bosses.
Here is a situation that was replayed many times over the years of teaching at the university level.
Mom is upset that her daughter is getting a C in a class that she needs to get into the desired program. It is likely that she will need an A to be accepted. The daughter has the option of retaking the class but that is not what the daughter wants to do.
The mom called the President's office of the university to complain about the instructor. Someone that has a Ph.D. in the content and has been teaching it for over 8 years. The President's office passes the mom on to the Provost's office (Vice President over Academics), who passes her on to the College Dean over the department. Then I get a call as the department chair asking about the situation and if I have had contact with the parent about this and with the instructor. The parent has never contacted me and I was unaware of any issue. An additional factor is the university faculty are bound by the FERPA regulations which do not allow the sharing of a student's academic experiences with anyone, including the parent, unless we have written approval by the student. This is usually extremely frustrating for parents as in many cases they are the ones paying for the student to be at college.
I call the mom and she wants: 1. the professor fired, 2. her daughter to be allowed to retake every low score exam (not only one time but as many times as needed until she can "earn" an A on every test and every assignment). 3. for her daughter to be automatically be allowed into the chosen major even though she has not earned the requisite GPA. The mom also lets me know that she and her husband are donors and that if these things do not take place then they will stop donating to the university and will pull their daughter from the university and their other children will not be allowed to attend our university.
As in the other situations I was able to resolve things to the satisfaction of the parent and her daughter. No one was fired or reprimanded, the daughter had a few choices to make including choice of a major (which she ended up changing to something in my department) and letting her mom know that she was an adult who can handle things herself. Interestingly the mom had two other daughters that ended up majoring in disciplines within my department and the mom told many friends that if they ever had issues with their child at the university (even in other departments they should call me and I would help them.
Parents, throughout their child's education are and should be strong advocates. But there is a limit to that input and they are not the bosses of the teachers and administrators.
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